End of Life and Funeral Planning

Home burials making a comeback?

Less than 100 years ago, home funerals (not funeral homes) were not uncommon. Today, home funeral and burial practices are starting to make a comeback. Some believe the recession is driving the trend, while others see the growing green funerals movement behind it.  Regardless of the cause, some families are finding comfort in this approach to death and dying.

Home burials offer an intimate alternative (New York Times)

Green burial not welcome everywhere

The Wall Street Journal reports on the setbacks a Georgia company has encountered in setting up a green cemetery in Macon.

Full article

Choosing a Cremation Urn

Cremation is becoming increasingly common. It is often less expensive than traditional burial, and it uses fewer resources. Often, there is no embalming, so the chemicals used to preserve the body for a traditional viewing are not required. If the family opts not to have a viewing, there is usually no casket. The funeral home or crematory will return the cremated remains in a temporary container. The family then has a few choices:

• Bury or scatter the remains immediately;
• Select keepsake urns and divide the ashes among several family members and friends;
• Select a single permanent urn for the cremated remains, and either keep or bury the ashes. For Catholics, burial in consecrated ground is the sanctioned practice.

Families that opt to purchase an urn face several choices at their local funeral, and thousands of choices online. Here are some tips on making the right decision.

Take your time.
Unlike burial, where the choice of a casket is an urgent matter, cremation allows the family time to grieve and reflect before selecting a permanent urn. It also makes comparison shopping easier, with less time pressure.

Remember the loved one's values and personality.
Did he or she enjoy the outdoors? Golf? Was the loved one an artist, a member of the military, or a person of faith? The Internet allows consumers to find just the right urn that honors a loved one's unique character. There are biodegradable urns for environmentalists, American-made urns for those who took pride in their country, and even urns made of lead crystal.

Price and value.
Some select cremation based on its price relative to burial. As there are urns to suit all personalities, there are urns to fit all budgets. When comparison shopping, beware of the deal that is too good to be true. Look for providers who are members of organizations like the Better Business Bureau, and don't be afraid to pick up the telephone and ask questions. This is an important decision, and you deserve exceptional service.

Coping with loss during the holidays

The holidays are a time of stress for many, and they can be particularly difficult for people who have experienced loss during the year. The Neal Center for Griefwork and Healing has some advice on dealing with the holiday season.
 

Grief and loss resources for the week

If you have not yet viewed The Undertaking, part of the PBS Frontline series, it is now available for online viewing. The program follows author and funeral director Thomas Lynch as he provides "rare, behind-the-scenes access" to his family's funeral home.

The Light Beyond is offering "Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep," a downloadable e-book of readings, poems, and meditations on grief and loss, for $19.95. The site contains a number of free articles and e-cards.

Articles of interest - grief and loss

Links for this week:

Grandparents' Grief: Who Is Listening?
By Mary Lou Reed
From the Association for Death Education and Counseling

"If a grandparent/grandchild relationship is shattered by death, grandparents lose more than a cherished grandchild—they suffer a dual loss—simultaneously needing to mourn the death of their grandchild, while also grieving for their adult child’s suffering. A grandchild’s death seems perverse, absurd and totally unnatural; it defies the natural order. Grandparents expect to predecease their children, and certainly, their grandchildren. But, who is listening?"

Download the article as PDF

Last Acts
A project of the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation
Companion site to the media project. Includes the report "Means to a Better End."

Grief and loss info from AARP

AARP has compiled an extensive list of articles on the grieving process, funeral planning, and end of life issues.

Why do funerals cost so much?

According to the National Funeral Directors Association, the average cost of a funeral in 2004 was $6,500 (most recent data). That figure does not include cemetery costs or other associated expenses, so the true cost is almost always higher. Why does it cost so much, and is there any way to save on funeral expenses?

1. Most consumers do not engage in comparison shopping when planning a funeral. The Internet has made a wealth of information available, but most people are uncomfortable with the funeral planning process. Understandably, they would like to conclude the process as quickly as possible, even if it means spending more. There is also the emotional appeal some funeral directors employ. Disreputable funeral homes are well aware of the fact that no one wants to seem cheap when honoring a loved one. As a SmartMoney article put it, "We'll play your heartstrings like a harp."  Spending money wisely is not being cheap - it's being smart.

2. The "family-run" funeral home in your community may be owned by a corporate conglomerate. The result is almost always higher prices. Smaller, independent funeral homes may feel pressure to raise prices in response. Everyone but the consumer wins. Don't be afraid to ask who owns the funeral home. The answer may surprise you.

3. Some funeral homes like to throw in options families may not need or want. Progressive funeral homes allow consumers to choose only the options they want, but it is still standard practice at many firms to bundle options to increase the package price. Planning a funeral should not be like buying a used car. Just as you don't need a profit-boosting rustproofing service when buying a car, you may not need a gold-plated register book when planning a memorial service.

Fortunately, there are ways to save. Do some research in advance: How do you wish to be remembered? Write it down, and make sure family and friends know where your plan is stored. Make your funeral plan a part of your estate plan package.

When making arrangements for a loved one, don't be afraid to look for options online. The FTC funeral rule gives you the right to purchase a casket from another provider, and the local funeral home must accept delivery. The same goes for urns. There is no reason to choose an urn from the 3 or 4 your local funeral home may have on hand. Search online, and you'll find thousands of options. Finally, don't let the funeral director pressure you into selecting options that do not suit the memory of your loved one. A funeral should be celebration of a life well lived, not an opportunity for a corporation to pad its pockets.


We have more consumer education articles and resources available on our website.

Information for Chicago-area caregivers

Chicago CAREgiver is a magazine covering issues of interest to those who act as caregivers to family and patients. A free copy is available from the publisher.

We have compiled a list of resources for caregivers on our website. If your organization is not listed, please send an email to the address listed on our site.

Looking for estate planning help?

A few sites with free information on estate planning:

The Elder Law Center has a free monthly e-newsletter

Attorney Daniel Hands hosts an estate planning quiz on his website

Estate Planning 101 from Allison Consulting

Estate Planning - You and Yours Blawg from New Jersey lawyer Deirdre R. Wheatley-Liss 

Nolo.com resources on estate planning